||[Aug. 29th, 2005|04:30 pm]
I don't have the best relationship with my mom. She and I don't communicate well and I don't like the way she treats people. She embodies so many qualities that I find detrimental to one's character: rude to waitstaff (and forget a tip), verbally abusive to husband, lazy. I am terrified of becoming like her in those ways so I distance myself physically and emotionally more and more everyday.|
What bugs the hell out of me is that when I'm upset or scared (and I mean really terrified, not just "almost got in a wreck and nearly pissed myself" scared) I go to her. I call her. It's her voice I need to hear. I don't even have to tell her what's wrong, talking with her somehow makes me feel a tiny bit safer.
It doesn't always work. She can and does sometimes say the exact wrong thing. In her defense, I don't always tell her why I'm really calling or coming by. I'm not sure if I'm glad about this realization. But, maybe I shouldn't always be so hard on her.