||[Jun. 9th, 2005|04:45 pm]
I recently experienced my first real loss of a friend. I say experienced, like it's in the past and won't have to be experienced again when it's really sort of an ongoing awareness. I'm not sure you ever really get over these things.|
It's life altering to have someone you take for granted as always being there suddenly ripped away. I mean, I've lost Grandpa's before, but they were more gently pulled from my arms that were letting go anyway.
This didn't happen yesterday and I've had some time to get used to the idea and cry to the boy and my parents. I don't write flippantly or as if in passing. I'm pretty sure none of my livejournal friends know her and explaining everything to outsiders still reduces me to tears.
So, I've been reflecting about her life and mine and everyone's and I've made some decisions I hope stick. Not to sound too Tim McGraw, but I think I want to start being happy again and enjoying my life. I didn't think I was wasting time or anything before, but man. I feel like there is so much out there I want to and not take for granted.
This was a random post. I was just wanting to get back into it.
Maybe I'll audition for a play...