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bigkidruth

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(no subject) [Aug. 29th, 2005|04:30 pm]
bigkidruth
I don't have the best relationship with my mom. She and I don't communicate well and I don't like the way she treats people. She embodies so many qualities that I find detrimental to one's character: rude to waitstaff (and forget a tip), verbally abusive to husband, lazy. I am terrified of becoming like her in those ways so I distance myself physically and emotionally more and more everyday.

What bugs the hell out of me is that when I'm upset or scared (and I mean really terrified, not just "almost got in a wreck and nearly pissed myself" scared) I go to her. I call her. It's her voice I need to hear. I don't even have to tell her what's wrong, talking with her somehow makes me feel a tiny bit safer.

It doesn't always work. She can and does sometimes say the exact wrong thing. In her defense, I don't always tell her why I'm really calling or coming by. I'm not sure if I'm glad about this realization. But, maybe I shouldn't always be so hard on her.
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(no subject) [Jul. 15th, 2005|10:55 am]
bigkidruth
So, I don't have a computer. I know that I am the last person left in America who can afford one and still does not own one. I do have a cell phone, but it's a rather love/hate relationship. I love calling people when I want; I hate taking that damn thing every where I go. I should also mention that I don't carry a purse or a wallet.

I do, however, like real mail. I realize it's expensive to buy paper and stamps and deal with the phone calls of people, but it just seems so much nicer to send any invitation through the postal service. And not just for the uber formal affairs. I will never forget the mailed invite I received for a "girl's night in." We watched sex and the city and ate icecream as promised in the invitation. I wouldn't call it black tie.

My cousins in Vermont and I still try to send letters and cards in lieu of email. It's so much more personal. And so what if news reaches us a day or two later than email? Not having a computer means I don't check my email everyday anyway.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned or maybe I'm just lazy. But, I think I'd like to bring back the mail. From now on, invites to my parties will arrive in your mailbox and so will cards.

Now, I just need everyone's address... and an address book.
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Pot Luck [Jul. 5th, 2005|03:52 pm]
bigkidruth
With the onset of summer gatherings and picnics so many people are throwing potluck parties. The boy and I have been hosting several ourselves it seems and I have found the perfect dish you can bring to any party.

It's cheap, vegetarian (not vegan) and tasty hot or cold. Mac and Cheese. I tell ya. We had Rudy's BBQ and Catie's potatoes at our party last weekend, but my Kraft Mac 'n Cheese out of the box was the favorite dish by far.

There's definitely something to be said for comfort food and childhood favorites. We are hosting another potluck party next weekend (that's what we do, apparently) and it's already been requested.

I'm going to stop trying to think of creative dishes to please the masses and go buy some blue boxes now.
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(no subject) [Jun. 23rd, 2005|01:33 pm]
bigkidruth
OK, Folks. I have some news for you. Everyone take a seat and listen to the lesson for the day.

"ANYWAYS" is Not a word.

I know it comes as a shock to most of you, but it's true. Using this word or it's cousin, AnywayZ, makes you sound ignorant and pisses me off.

So, People, I ask that you please stop using this word. And while you're at it, please learn the difference and correct uses for your/you're and their/there/they're.
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(no subject) [Jun. 21st, 2005|08:25 am]
bigkidruth
It is seriously only Tuesday? This week is just dragging.

My 16 year old cousin is staying a couple of nights with us and I am reminded again why I never want to have kids. William is going through this "I know everything" phase that makes me want to smack him around just a little bit.

You can't tell him where anything is or how anything works because everything is answered in that whiny, how-stupid-are-you voice. If we ask a question about him or his life he acts as though we should already know the answer complete with eye-roll and sarcastic reply.

Me: I like your hair now. Did you just dye it black?
William: Uhhh, Yeah - Duh! It was like this the last time you saw me. ("idiot" was implied under his breath, though not said)
Me: Really? I don't remember it being black on Mother's Day.
William: Well, duh. It wasn't. I dyed it right after school let out.
Me: OK. The last time I saw you was Mother's Day.
William: I know!

Do you, William? Do you really? Were we all this bad? How did anyone let us live through that?
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(no subject) [Jun. 20th, 2005|08:56 am]
bigkidruth
I'm back. And now it's done. I've officially been down to Mark's farm. I think it went well. His Dad never talks and his Mom never lets me talk, but I'm pretty sure they both like me alright.

My hope is that they realize I'm not just the first girl he's brought home, but the only girl he's going to bring home. I like them and find most of what they do endearing. They are definitely people that don't get out much.

We stayed the one night we were down there with his cousins and they were so warm and friendly. Very cool people with nice cats.

Overall, I think the trip was a success.
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(no subject) [Jun. 17th, 2005|02:46 pm]
bigkidruth
Tomorrow is the big day. I am actually getting to see Mark's farm where he grew up. Two years, People. It has taken two years of us dating before this could happen, but it's here now and I'm very excited.

We'll head down to the farm in south Texas tomorrow morning and get there in time to have lunch with his parents. Then, a tour of the property and his school and dinner in the "Big City" about an hour away in Corpus.

I'm all a twitter, and not just because of the thought that one day it could all be mine...
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(no subject) [Jun. 16th, 2005|08:30 am]
bigkidruth
[mood |optimisticoptimistic]
[music |Shelby Lynn]

Being without cable, we are often subjected to network programming. Usually, Mark and I stick with PBS if we ever watch TV and it doesn't suck too bad for the most part. Alan Alda can be found almost every week on some show or another and who doesn't like Alan Alda?

Last week we strayed a bit from our regular station and ran across some pretty awful crap. If it's not Everybody Hates Raymond, it's a new reality show about Tommy Hilfiger or the Hiltons. I can only stomach about 10 minutes of any of these. What is up with that Tommy show? We actually had to turn the TV off when some girl got out of a hot tub, completely clothed, then ASKED for the camera so she could dance like a stripper in front of it. Because this has a lot to do with designing clothes.

But, last night I was bored and tired of watching PBS, so I strayed again. You'd think I'd learn my lesson, but I still hope for decent shows to appear. And I almost got my wish. Beauty and the Geek came on last night and I managed to catch some flipping from That 70's Show. Initially, I thought it'd be about trying to make gorgeous girls fall in love with geeky guys. I loathe all Bachelor/Bachelorette/I'll Marry My Cousin For Money shows. However, the premise was to make dumb, gorgeous girls learn crap while teaching geeky guys how to be social. Maybe I was just recovering from the Tommy show from last week and anything was bound to be better, but it didn't suck.

I have to admit, I'm a sucker for the shows that actually show a person growing in some way. Or at least the shows edited to appear that way. What Not To Wear always has their victim, I mean participant, gushing by the end of the hour about how much they've learned. And they do look a lot better than they did going in. Beauty and The Geek had the nerds realizing there was crap out there that they didn't already know or could learn from a book. And the girls, well some of them, actually enjoyed learning basic engineering and rudimentary math. My favorite scene was a montage of everyone in the room quizzing each other on flared pants and jet propulsion.

I'm not saying I'll be rearranging my schedule to watch it again, and I still think reality shows in general should go the way of the Dodo, but of the TV out there, this was enjoyable.

See, if I had cable I could watch Chaos, the new Britney Spears show. Now, that's quality television.
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5 Things [Jun. 14th, 2005|01:58 pm]
bigkidruth
I want to learn how to cook 5 dishes really well.

I want to learn to speak Spanish.

I want to learn how to play the guitar.

I want to lose 8 pounds.

I want to be able to run 3 miles straight.
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(no subject) [Jun. 9th, 2005|04:45 pm]
bigkidruth
I recently experienced my first real loss of a friend. I say experienced, like it's in the past and won't have to be experienced again when it's really sort of an ongoing awareness. I'm not sure you ever really get over these things.

It's life altering to have someone you take for granted as always being there suddenly ripped away. I mean, I've lost Grandpa's before, but they were more gently pulled from my arms that were letting go anyway.

This didn't happen yesterday and I've had some time to get used to the idea and cry to the boy and my parents. I don't write flippantly or as if in passing. I'm pretty sure none of my livejournal friends know her and explaining everything to outsiders still reduces me to tears.

So, I've been reflecting about her life and mine and everyone's and I've made some decisions I hope stick. Not to sound too Tim McGraw, but I think I want to start being happy again and enjoying my life. I didn't think I was wasting time or anything before, but man. I feel like there is so much out there I want to and not take for granted.

This was a random post. I was just wanting to get back into it.

Maybe I'll audition for a play...
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